You bust your ass through the interview, answering their stupid “Where do you see yourself in five years?” question like you’ve actually dreamed about still working there. You’re grinning, nodding, and pretending you care about “company culture” when all you really want to know is how bad the insurance is and when lunch break is.

Then, just when you think you’re done, they flip it around and try to sell you on the job.
Used to be they’d hit you with the old classic: “We’re like a family here.”
Yeah, a family that borrows money, never pays it back, and eats your lunch out of the fridge.

Now it’s “We believe in work-life balance.” Yeah, sure you do, and I believe the vending machine snacks are FDA approved.

Here’s the real translation: “We’ll let you think we care about your personal time until we screw something up, then we’ll make it your problem.” They’ll forget to order material, lose track of inventory, and then somehow it’s on YOU to fix it. Meanwhile, the clowns who caused the mess are sitting in air conditioning watching YouTube in “conference mode.”

And let’s talk about time-off. You put in for a day off a month in advance. You’ve planned, swapped shifts, maybe even offered to work extra days to make it happen. Then they sit on it. No answer. And finally, the day before you’re supposed to be off, they’re like, “Yeah, we can’t approve that.” At that point it’s like, fuck it, I’ll take the point. Guess I’ll see you next week when HR pretends to be shocked I didn’t “communicate properly.”

And the point system? Oh, that’s their favorite little game. half point if you’re late. One point if you call in. Stack up enough points and congratulations, you’ve won… unemployment. But funny how when they cancel your shift last minute, nobody’s handing them a point. No, no, that’s just “business needs.” But when you need a day for a funeral, a sick kid, or just to keep your sanity from snapping, suddenly you’re a “reliability issue.”

When the finger-pointing starts, it’s never their fault. They’ll twist it around so somehow YOU didn’t “plan ahead” — even though you told them a damn month ago. But sure, work-life balance. I’ll remember that when I’m here late on a Friday cleaning up YOUR mess while my actual family eats dinner without me.

The “family” feeling they’re talking about? It’s not the Hallmark Christmas special. It’s more like a drunken family reunion at a truck stop where someone’s yelling about child support and someone else is getting arrested in the parking lot.

Interview Survival Tip:
When they say “We’re like a family here,” picture the worst one you’ve ever seen on Cops. When they say “work-life balance,” know damn well it means you work, they leave early Friday and end their week.